How To Cope With Your Child’s Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety
is a very real problem for parents of young children. It can be especially difficult
for parents who spend most of their time with their kids, making less use of
daycare and school programs than the average parent. Your kids get used to spending
time with you and then panic when they aren’t with you. But in order for
them to grow up with healthy emotional attachments, they must learn to overcome
their separation anxiety, and of course you have to be the one who teaches them
how to do that.

Okay, so you’ve
dealt with your feelings and you think that you’re okay with leaving your
child somewhere for a little while, but then you get there and he or she starts
throwing a tantrum and you want to offer comfort. You need to remember that
separation anxiety is a normal part of a child’s development and that
you’re there to help him or her learn to get over it. Teaching the child
about appropriate separation will help him or her build healthy relationships.
But you want to do this in the appropriate manner and offering comfort is definitely
appropriate. The main way that you can do this is by being very clear about
when your child can expect you to return and then being consistent in returning
on time. If your child is staying with a babysitter and you plan to pick him
or her up right after afternoon snack, time that in advance with the babysitter
and then explain to your child that you will be back at that time. Then show
up. This will show your child that you can be counted on to be back when you
say you will and ease separation anxiety in the future.

Finally, make use
of tricks and games to make the entire process easier while you and your child
both learn to cope with separation anxiety. There are little thing that you
can do that remind both of you that you’ll be back together again shortly.
For example, you can buy inexpensive little bracelets, one for you and one for
your child. Trade bracelets when you drop your child off somewhere and let him
or her know that you’ll each get your own bracelet back when you pick
him or her up again. Looking at the bracelet throughout the day will remind
both of you that you’ll be back together soon and the act of trading will
reassure your child that you’ll be back later. Little tricks like this
are beneficial to both of you.

Remember that learning
to cope with separation anxiety is a process. It’s not going to be easy
to let your child go off in to the world and you’re going to have different
stages of this process to go through at different times. It’ll happen
the first time that you drop your baby off with the babysitter, the day that
your child makes the transition from home school to public school, and the day
he or she goes off on that first sleepover, first date and other “firsts”.
Learning to deal with your feelings about it and to communicate to your child
that you’ll always be there in the end is the way to deal with this process
all throughout his or her lifetime.

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